Don’t get me started

Using gluten-free flour makes me feel like I did when my mother brought home a big orange can with a black striped white tiger on it when I was 10 and said, “Taste this; you’re gonna love it.” “What is it?” “Tiger milk.” “No it’s not.” “Yes, it is. It says so on the side of the can.” “Mom.” She dumped a few big scoops of powder into a glass and stirred it. “What?” “You can’t milk a tiger.” “Baby tigers can.” “I don’t want it.” “Just taste it.” I left the room. Powdered milk was bad enough. We drank powdered milk because she felt she didn’t have the funds for straight up. I had no idea what they were trying to pass off as Tiger milk and I didn’t want any part in it. It’s like trying to fall in love with the wrong one. Who are you kidding?

Anyway, it’s my job to figure it out, so that’s what I’m trying to do. I added one part medium grind polenta to 3 parts Bob’s Red Mill gluten-free flour. You can’t roll a noodle with medium grind polenta as thin as you should, because it breaks. I’ve got fingers that could do surgery on a butterfly wing, and the noodles were collapsing on lift off. So instead, I left them thick like spaetzle. Not terrible. The polenta worked the way I wanted it in terms of flavor, by sort of bullying the gluten-free to the background. I made a bolognese you could practically eat on its own and sauced the noodles until they were nearly swimming in it. I showered them with Parmigiano Reggiano. By the last bite, my bad attitude had worn down to an, “okay, they’re pretty good.”

Leave a Reply