This is not the first time.

I make pancakes for myself, almost every morning. I have a line of bags of about 8 different flours/grains on a shelf right at eye level on the inside of the fridge door. Today when I got up (it is early, so give me that. Usually about quarter to five.) I opened the fridge door, looked at the bags, saw one that said, “cornmeal,” but I was looking for buckwheat. I went past the cornmeal and picked up the next bag, and read, “dark rye.” I thought, “there is the buckwheat,” and started to make the pancakes. As I was stirring, it didn’t smell like buckwheat. I looked at the bag, which of course told me the truth, again. But the whole truth is, dark rye pancakes aren’t bad, if you give them about a half teaspoon of raw sugar to the mix and some cornmeal. The problem is not the pancakes.

I can have a way of seeing something to be exactly what I want it to be, even when it is not.

But that original thing that always was and always would be what it is, because of the error, transforms for a minute. It becomes something else, something maybe never intended, but worth it. So there is that.

pancakes for one:

Beat an egg with a spill of olive oil and a generous spill of milk. Give it a shot of water from the faucet. Whisk with a fork until it comes together. Add a pinch of salt, a pinch of sugar, and enough baking powder to fill the well in your hand, when you cup it tight. Maybe 1/2 a teaspoon. Pour in what looks like half a cup of whatever flour floats your boat. Whisk that lightly with the fork, just to incorporate. A few lumps are okay. Heat a heavy saute pan with good tab of butter. When the butter starts to sizzle, tip the pan so that it is well slicked. Pour in your batter. I use a 6 inch saute pan and make one large pancake, because I am lazy. The heat should be medium high. When it starts to bubble around the edges (wait for it, or it will take forever to cook in the middle), flip to the other side. When you press gently on the center of the pancake, it should feel like it is springing back.